March is just a week away and it’s a HUGE month for Jeremy and me. For some reason this is the time of year when we make big life changing decisions! More on that later because first, I want to reflect quickly on the last 7 years of my life. This time of year always makes me pause and think about how far I’ve come and how I’ve learned to live FEARLESSLY in my AMBITIONS, in my PASSIONS, in LOVE and in being ME.
It was NEVER easy and still isn’t, I have to remind myself daily that I am FEARLESS – funny how something like that is so easy to forget.
7 Years Ago…
-I was in an abusive marriage
-I thought my destiny in life was to suffer from depression, grieve the loss of two children and play homemaker
-I didn’t know how to dream for myself
-I lived to please others and had ZERO confidence
-I regularly hurt myself because it was the only way to get relief and feel something REAL
-I slept a lot, watched tons of TV, binged on food and sugar EVERY DAY
-I was 193 pounds (the last time I was willing to step on a scale)
-I lied to all my friends and family about my daily life because I was embarrassed
-I trusted NO ONE; I was tired of being hurt
-I was facing foreclosure on the home I lived in and later filed bankruptcy
The majority of you don’t know that Lindsey, hell I barely remember her and I am happy to leave her in the past. But, it’s important to know where you came from and know what made you the person you are today. It’s important to share your story, because it might mean someone else will take that leap of faith on themselves as a result.
While I left that life in 2009 (#1 best decision in my life) and went back to school to get my Bachelor of Science degree and for the first time in my life lived independently, it was a SLOW process. It wasn’t until 2013 that I really and truly began to live FEARLESS, one baby step at a time.
In 2013 I began to slowly realize what living fearlessly meant for me, and it’s different for everyone. The first step I took was with Jeremy. We decided that a big wedding for friends and family wasn’t for us and yes, it upset some people. But honestly, our marriage is between us and we had to do what was FOR US. So, we eloped to Puerto Rico (we lived in Colorado at the time) and it was #2 of the BEST decisions I’ve EVER made in my life.
I married this most amazing man that was like a unicorn to me – but he really did exist! Not only that but we had this amazing private wedding on horseback on a black sand beach, followed by a private dinner on a beautiful boat built in 1927, hit the local bar and all in my wedding dress – I was gonna get use outta that baby! Then we spent the next several days adventuring on this island and fantasizing about how we could someday live there when we retired like 30 years from now.
Then, we went back to the daily grind and lived the life that was expected of us – working a typical job and answering all the questions about when we were going to start a family. Later that year we bought plane tickets to go back to Puerto Rico for our one year wedding anniversary and it was all we could focus on.
Now, it was time to live FEARLESSLY. As the end of January 2014 approached and our trip was just 6 weeks away, we decided to once again LIVE LIFE FOR US and not by the expectations and limitations that people put on us (even if it was out of love). Six weeks from our trip we decided we were going to move to Puerto Rico (#3 BEST DECISION EVER). Our home based business was doing well enough, my parents’ health was better and we felt the deep passion and burning desire to see and explore and live a life WE desired.
Once again, people weren’t happy, people doubted us, and people thought we were crazy. Unfortunately, it’s usually the people closest to you that do this, but I came to understand that usually they do this because what you are doing forces them to question their own life and what really makes them happy – it makes them dream but they quickly squash it out of fear.
Now came another huge decision, one that we kept quiet for a long time because we didn’t want to explain ourselves, we didn’t want to be criticized. We decided to not have children, I honestly NEVER had wanted them, I just never knew it could actually be an option. The funny thing is, people told us to think carefully about this and to not make any permanent or rash decisions about being childfree. I say that’s ‘funny’ because for many people not much thought goes into actually having kids, it’s just something you do and it’s accepted.
Trust me, Jeremy and I talked about it at length and for months. The real decision came when I thought I was pregnant and as I was being told this would be a beautiful and amazing thing, all I could think was this was the worst thing ever. (All you who have children – I support that, so don’t get me wrong here). When I confirmed I wasn’t, I felt such a relief and this validated our decision.
So a week before we relocated ourselves and our dog to the Caribbean, I went in to the hospital and got a tubal ligation so that we could be sure to never have kids, (#4 BEST DECISION EVER). We even tried to get Jeremy a vasectomy just to be 110% sure it could never happen but it wasn’t covered by insurance. Interestingly enough, you have to jump through MANY hoops to get a tubal ligation if you don’t have any kids. Apparently, we as women shouldn’t be able to make such an important decision for ourselves but that’s a whole other blog topic.
Then the big day came and we moved, this is when we like to think we really started to live life. It hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it – ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS. Now we are coming up on our two year anniversary of living here in this beautiful place and maybe we’ll stay, maybe we’ll go explore somewhere else, the awesome thing is, we are free to do whatever the hell we want.
Now that #5 BEST DECISION EVER – early last year we started to realize that our home based business had a ceiling, a limited earning potential and it was limiting our future – I don’t like limitations if you haven’t figured that out by now. During that time I also discovered this ‘crazy’ biz called Beachbody and health and fitness coaching. Becoming a health and fitness coach isn’t the #5 best decision I’ve ever made in my life because of the unlimited earning potential, but because it gave me PURPOSE. It gave me a PURPOSE that I didn’t even know I NEEDED in my life.
I’ve now discovered that I LOVE to help people reach their health and fitness goals, I LOVE to help people realize that they can do this too and build their own business as a health and fitness coach – they can have this life too. Not a life like mine, but a life EXACTLY how they want to DESIGN IT. I’ve realized that helping other people, being that one cheerleader that they need in their life is more important than anything I could ever do for ME.
Anyway, I know this was a long blog post and I really appreciate all of you who are still reading, I LOVE my supporters! The point is, living FEARLESS means making decision that you know is best for YOU, even if no one else believes it or believes you can do it. It means taking CONTROL of YOUR LIFE because it is YOURS to LIVE. Living FEARLESS means constantly being brutally honest with yourself, being willing to grow and improve as a person, being willing to admit fault. Living FEARLESS means NOT putting limits on what you can achieve. Living FEARLESS means making BIG ASS SCARY GOALS for yourself and your family and then being WILLING to put in the WORK and take ACTION to achieve them and even surpass them.
It is my honest opinion that until you take that leap, jump in with both feet and rip off the band-aid you will NEVER see your dreams into REALITY, you will forever be PARALYZED by your fears, whatever they are. The first step to take in living your life FEARLESSLY is getting out there and fucking doing what needs to be done and doing what YOU desire.